54%
When I say that my life matters and you say all lives matter, I hear, “Ask nicely.”
When you say that you support the goal but not the kneeling, I hear, “Ask politely.”
When you say you support the cause but not the looting, I hear, “Ask civilly.”
When I say that there’s racism and you tell me we’ve come so far, I hear, “Wait patiently.”
What you’re seeing in these streets is a people tired of asking. This is a people tired of waiting.
If your support of my humanity is contingent upon how polite I request it then I’m not talking to you anyway. You’re irredeemable and need read no further.
I’m a market researcher by trade. I look at data and talk to people to figure out what they care about. I learn what motivates them and how they make decisions. I’m very good at my job. I get information others don’t. I understand how to synthesize that information into action. I’ve been rewarded professionally for it.
There aren’t any tricks. There aren’t any games. My job is to listen to people.
I listen to people. I ask them questions. I assume they’re being honest. I assume they know what’s best for them. I talk to them on a personal, human level to understand what matters to them. When I have data or polls or surveys, I assume people know what they mean and mean what they say.
When I come upon information that doesn’t make sense I don’t ask, “Is this true?” I ask, “What has to be true for this to make sense?”
That’s the approach. It works in business. It works here.
I was arguing with someone over the “vote by mail is fraud” nonsense recently when I realized we weren’t working with the same set of facts. “What has to be true for this to make sense?”
So I said, “Do we both agree that everyone who can vote should vote?”
He said, “Well, I think some people…”
Got it. We weren’t working with the same set of facts. I want everyone who is eligible to vote to be able to vote. He wants some people to vote and others not to. That’s why arguing with positions like, “But the President does it? How can he call it fraud” doesn’t matter. The hypocrisy doesn’t matter. The goal matters.
His position makes sense. He’s choosing arguments he likes to support a position he’s already reached which is, “for the people I like to remain in power we need to make sure people who disagree don’t vote.” If that’s the goal you can use any argument you like, regardless of how nonsensical it is.
That’s where we are with the topic of black people. Before worrying about how to gain equality we need to make sure you agree that black people deserve it.
Now you can’t ask people if they’re racist. Some will say yes but not enough to work with. We know it’s socially unacceptable to claim racism. Additionally, too many people think racism means saying “Nigger” in a crowded theatre. We must use proxy questions to get at racist attitudes.
An unquestioned point in America is that black people don’t do as well as white people. Higher unemployment. Lower wages. Lower wealth. Worse schools. More prison. The fundamental question is whether that’s the fault of black people or racism?
The Pew group did a comprehensive survey in 2017. Their proxy question was
Are blacks who can’t get ahead mostly responsible for their own condition or is racial discrimination the main reason?
That 54%? That’s the irredeemable group I called out before. Just over ½ of white people think black cultural pathology is to blame for the lack of progress. There’s no talking to them. There’s no convincing them. There’s no data or story or guide I can create to bring them along. That ½ of white people has always been a barrier to progress. I can’t change that, and you probably can’t either.
So, disregard that 54%. What’s left?
Just over 1 in 3 white people think racism is to blame. 1 in 10 aren’t sure.
That 1 in 10 won’t listen to protests. They won’t listen to James Baldwin or Ta-Nehisi Coates. They won’t listen to Ijeoma Oluo or Tressie McMillan-Cottom. But they might listen to you.
This is where the help I wrote about yesterday comes into play.
Not everyone is built to run to the front of the protest and put their white body in front of black bodies to shield them. I bow to anyone brave enough to do that. This woman here deserves every ounce of recognition she gets and more. Her and John Brown, boy.
You may not be built do to that. Not many people are. But if you’re part of that 1/3 above you still have a role to play.
I exist in this world as a black man. Every day I work with people who have views I abhor. I know their personal politics. I see their tweets. I see their Facebook posts. I know their beliefs. They think black people are inferior to white people. They think black people don’t deserve what little advancement they’ve made. They think they’ve earned every bit of the success they’ve had and that I, and others like me, have stolen what rightfully belongs to them.
I don’t have the option of telling them how wrong they are. I can’t say, “You know, I read that mess you put online. Racism isn’t cute.” I’d be their stereotype. I’d be the angry black man. That guy’s unemployable even if the work is good. That stereotype terrifies white people. It’s why putting on a good face and code switching and pretending not to notice is how we get along. The “angry black man” is the same black guy you’ve worked with who let his guard down for a moment. I’ve been fired for scaring a white woman and I wear glasses and use big words. I’m the non-threatening kind! Existing in this space is really hard, guys.
I need white people to do that work. I need you to tell Doris in Accounting that her little comments aren’t welcome at work. I need you to tell Paul in sales that his Blue Lives Matter stuff on Facebook isn’t just police support but actively antagonizing black people he’s supposed to work with. I know you have “friends” who you avoid political conversations with to maintain the friendship. That ain’t friendship. Friendship is about shared beliefs. Whether or not black people deserve equal rights in society shouldn’t be an off-topic political discussion. It should be a fundamental point of understanding.
Have those difficult conversations with the 1 in 10 who won’t listen to me. Talk to them. Talk to that cousin or nephew or sister or brother or parent who just doesn’t seem to understand. Tell them how they sound. Tell them how you feel. Be an advocate. Be an ally.
Here’s a piece in Slate where a woman asks how she can, without drama, ask her fiancé’s racist sister not to be a bridesmaid. The answer is to tell her, with as much clarity possible, that she can Fuck Off. Her mindset and behavior are unacceptable, and she may be part of her brother’s life, but she has no part in yours. There must be a social price to pay for being a terrible person who does and thinks terrible things. There has to be someone to say, “I’m not your friend. I won’t grab lunch with you. I won’t chat about the kids. I won’t be polite to you.”
That polite indifference is the reason we’re having the same conversation in 2020 that Dr. King had in 1963.
“…the Negro’s great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen’s Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to “order” than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says: “I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action”; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man’s freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a “more convenient season.” Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.”
Quote that instead of “I have a dream” next MLK Day. Damn near 60 years ago and he’s asking you not to be paternalistically set the times and terms of justice. It’s the same fight we’re having today. You could copy and paste that at any point over the past 60 years when people say they agree but not with the way or the terms or the time or the tone.
But don’t stop at checking people. Do that. But do more.
The next time they’re looking to build affordable housing in your neighborhood don’t protest. Rally support. Talk about how new people in your community bring revitalization and opportunity. Don’t assume they’re bringing crime.
The next time you’re talking about schools don’t disregard it because the test scores aren’t high. Those scores just mean rich kids anyway. Your child won’t learn less because black kids or in class with her. Do you think public schools would look the way they did if there were no private school option?
My wife and I have been together for 15 years. We love each other. We trust each other. We also have hard, serious conversations about this stuff. We had one yesterday. I wrote some things she thought were unfair on Twitter and some parts of what I wrote on Medium. But having those conversations is part of the work. The reason I’m writing this is to add some nuance to some things that offended her yesterday.
Look, man. We need your help!
We need this moment to be transformative. It’s not about policing in Minneapolis. It’s not about Donald Trump. It’s not even about that 54%. It’s about good white people working to fix the system. I know Asians have a role to play. I know Latinx folks have a role to play. I know Native folks have a role to play. I know Black folks have a role to play. But this nation is controlled, run, and governed by white people who respect and listen to other white people. The rest of us are just trying to get through it. Even the black president was stuck placating below-average rubes like Eric Cantor and Paul Ryan. We can’t fix this.
If the numbers add up, and 35% of you think racism is a problem in this country that limits the opportunity of your fellow citizens, that means damn near 70 million white people have a role to play to bring about change.
I don’t have answers. I don’t have solutions. (Except one. If you live in Chicago you spent $42 last year in taxes to pay for police misconduct. Let the police pay for that. Let that come from their budget. Let that come from their pension. Having the citizens of a city pay more than $100MM for a police force that brutalizes them is among the most inhumane things I can imagine)
What I do have is the hope that we can be better. If you do your part, we will be better. I’m not promising that the work is easy or fun. But I can promise that it’s necessary.
